


The Hardest Word

by QDS



Category: Cowboy Bebop
Genre: M/M, Temps Mort Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-27
Updated: 2004-08-27
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QDS/pseuds/QDS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short JetxSpike piece in answers to a challenge at <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/temps_mort/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/temps_mort/"><b>temps_mort</b></a>. Major spoilers for the end of the series. Challenge word: Apologies</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hardest Word

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Elton John song 'Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word'

The final roar of the Swordfish's take-off disappeared in the distance, and that was it. The only thing Jet could hear then was Faye, crying. Jet sighed irritably, and slowly stood up, taking care of his leg as he made his way to the bridge. He fiddled with now-useless controls, before taking up a cleaning cloth and to begin polishing the frames on the windows.

He knew that Spike wasn't coming back. He knew that this time - when Spike's body would break with either a bullet or a sword - that no amount of bandages was going to be able to fix him.

_Fix him._ Jet clenched his hand around the cloth. That's what he'd always wanted to do with Spike. Fix him. Bandage him up when he got hurt. Teach him shogi to expand his mind. Berate him every time he did something careless so that one day it damn well might sink in that you can't just run around doing as you pleased without a plan, without forethought, without a care for anyone but yourself.

No, that was unfair. Spike cared. That's what made it so damn difficult. Jet had so often set himself up as the bigger man that he couldn't see his own pettiness and Spike's compassion.

It had taken Jet three years and a then some to work out that Spike wasn't getting over Julia. That there was nothing that Jet could do about, no matter how many meals he made him, how many shirts he restitched, how many times he held Spike in the dark, kissing his neck, whispering that he loved him.

'I love you' was so easy to say. Jet never let one of those silly love songs trick him into thinking otherwise. 'I'm sorry', on the other hand...

Jet could count on one hand the number of times Spike apologised for being reckless. But he couldn't include even half a finger for the times _he_ apologised for being pig-headed and callous.

He wanted to tell Spike that now he knew, now he would change. Now things would be better because even if he couldn't understand what demons drove Spike that at least he could accept them and live with them, and that it would be okay. He wanted to say that he was so god-damn sorry that he didn't understand before it was...too late.

The post he was cleaning was now so shiny he could see his reflection in it. Jet shook his head, feeling useless.

There were far too many things in life that he already regretted.

Now Jet had another to add to his ever-growing list.

~

_See You, Space Cowboy..._


End file.
